| Conflict is a normal part of life, and while it is definitely | | | | speak. It may clear the air of confusion or incorrect |
| uncomfortable, it doesn't have to be a negative thing. It | | | | expectations; it can also help you determine clearly the |
| can be an opportunity for personal spiritual and | | | | next steps that need to occur. |
| emotional growth as well as for strengthening the | | | | 2. Find something that you both agree on. You might |
| relationship it is occurring within. | | | | think there isn't anything, but there is. It might be a small |
| What exactly is conflict? Conflict appears when our | | | | part of what's going on, but it's there. Make sure to find |
| needs, opinions or perceptions clash with someone | | | | it. |
| else's needs, opinions or perceptions. Our ego | | | | 3. Take ownership of your part in the conflict. Most |
| becomes threatened, and we try to protect what we | | | | likely there is a part of the conflict that is yours; it's |
| believe to be right and wrong, our opinion about what | | | | highly unlikely that there is no part of this that you can |
| should happen next or our sense of entitlement to get | | | | be accountable for - own up to it. |
| what we want. | | | | 4. Active Listening - This is probably the toughest step. |
| Many times this feels to us like a personal attack. | | | | Much has been written on how to do active listening. |
| Many of us develop responses to these attacks as | | | | The bottom line is to truly listen to the other person |
| children - this is simply the ego attempting to keep us | | | | while keeping you mind open and without judgment or |
| safe. So then even as adults, our natural instinct may | | | | thoughts of what you are going to say next. |
| be to attack, to run, or to stick our head in the sand | | | | 5. Express Needs. Conflict is usually occurring because |
| and ignore it. These responses feel comfortable to us | | | | perceived needs are not met. It is important that each |
| because that is what we know; but, at the same time | | | | party lay these needs out on the table so that there is |
| they are not a positive experience. | | | | transparency and understanding of what each person |
| This really isn't an unusual response to conflict - most | | | | needs. |
| people would rather not deal with it. However, the | | | | 6. Reach Understanding. Once the above steps have |
| benefits can be dramatic. So what are some things | | | | been done, it will be much clearer how to proceed. By |
| we can do to at least handle conflict more skillfully, so | | | | this point, often a solution has already come to the |
| that both partners consider it a "Win"; and even better, | | | | surface or at least the next step can be agreed upon. |
| we experience a strengthening in our spiritual and | | | | In a romantic relationship, conflict can lead to divorce. |
| emotional growth? | | | | Between political factions, differences can lead to war. |
| Practical tips for dealing with conflict with family | | | | But when these conflicts are openly acknowledged |
| members, friends and co-workers, including the | | | | and addressed, it can be a powerful catalyst for |
| following: | | | | growth and healing and can lead to creative solutions |
| 1. Focus on the positive. There is usually a benefit that | | | | that deepen intimacy and strengthen bonds between |
| can be found in this conflict - the "silver lining" so to | | | | people. |