| ABUNDANCE & COMMUNITY | | | | We all want family, or something that feels like family. |
| "Is there anybody there?" At our darkest moments, | | | | We want to be known, seen, and heard. We long to |
| we wonder if there really is anyone who will, or can, | | | | be appreciated for who we are, without performance, |
| walk through life with us. Is there anyone we can | | | | without struggle, without concern. And, that's all about |
| trust? Is there someone who cares? We deserve and | | | | being in a community we choose. |
| require mutually supportive relationships. There is no | | | | My mother used to say, "We were given our relatives. |
| health in being a lone ranger, taking on the world alone. | | | | Thank God we can pick our own friends." Apparently |
| We need a sidekick or two we can count on. We | | | | she wasn't thrilled with her family, but, there is truth in it. |
| need a sense of community. | | | | Haven't you ever thought or heard, "I love my |
| At our brightest moments, too, we need our | | | | _______ but I just don't like her/him." We've been |
| community to share our victory, our breakthrough, our | | | | taught that we're supposed to love some people just |
| joy, our success. We want to celebrate and be | | | | because we share genes with them, however, we |
| celebrated. | | | | would not invite them to be our friends if we met them |
| Each of us has a need to feel that we belong--you, | | | | at the lunch counter. Once we recognize this fact, we |
| me, even the guy who says he doesn't. It is a basic, | | | | can actively and clearly move towards creating the |
| healthy human need. Saying we belong or appearing to | | | | community we want. |
| belong are poor substitutes for feeling we belong. | | | | Spend no time on what you don't want! Once you |
| Deep inside, many people feel like observers rather | | | | begin to notice your conversation, you may find that |
| than participants in life. | | | | you spend time complaining about what you don't |
| It is unfortunately common that for many | | | | want, talking about people you don't like and |
| reasons--environment, family, culture, religion, | | | | commiserating about a less than inspiring workplace. |
| peers-people accept a "less than" feeling which | | | | Change that. You choose what you think, what you |
| continuously colors their relationships with themselves | | | | say and what you do. Make it constructive. Don't allow |
| and others. There is a great way-a private, secret | | | | your life energy to be spent in a negative, |
| way-to lift your spirits and your self-esteem. Do it only | | | | non-productive way. Choose differently. You have that |
| if you want to feel confident, loved and accepted. | | | | power. |
| Here's the secret exercise: | | | | We can create the "family" we most want. That is |
| Each morning, when you put your feet over the side | | | | very do-able. You can attract people into your life who |
| of the bed, go directly to the bathroom mirror. Do not | | | | will love, support, respect and enjoy you as you do |
| clean your teeth, brush your hair or wash your face. | | | | them. A great place to start is being the person you |
| Instead, get up close and personal with the mirror. Look | | | | want to attract and being where you most enjoy |
| yourself directly in your eyes and hold your gaze. Then | | | | being. While you're doing those things, you'll create |
| say, | | | | community: satisfying relationships with engaged, |
| "I love you. | | | | involved, enthusiastic people. |
| I accept you. | | | | Abundance is found in community, not alone. When we |
| I approve of you just the way you are." and throw | | | | spend time in the company of people who share our |
| yourself a big kiss! | | | | values, interests and passions we come alive and feel |
| Come on, do it. It is not easy at first to hold your own | | | | connected. As Parker J. Palmer wrote: "we need |
| eyes and say those things to yourself. If you will be | | | | trustworthy relationships, tenacious communities of |
| persistent, you will be delighted with the results. | | | | support, if we are to sustain the journey toward an |
| One of my coaching clients, doing this exercise herself | | | | undivided life. That journey has solitary passages, to be |
| and finding great value, decided to share it. She | | | | sure, and yet it is simply too arduous to take without |
| volunteers with a mentally-handicapped young man of | | | | the assistance of others." |
| thirty-five who was very depressed. He wanted to | | | | OK! You promised! Make that your morning salute to |
| learn to read and it wasn't going well. She made it into | | | | yourself and do it every morning! |
| a great game and he was enthused. He practiced all | | | | ~~~REMEMBER, WHAT YOU PAY ATTENTION TO |
| the time. Magic! His reading improved along with his | | | | EXPANDS!* |
| self-esteem. The depression lifted. Now he is very | | | | Rhoberta Shaler, PhD |
| excited about helping his friends read, too. This simple | | | | *Dr. |
| exercise brings huge rewards. | | | | |
