He Said/She Said: A Parent's Dilemma

The father of one of my son's classmates apologizedimportant to be honest with me because honesty
to me today as I was getting out of my car in thebuilds trust and that we are nothing without our word.
school parking lot. He felt badly for reprimanding meWhat was my responsibility as a mother? Should I
the day before after hearing from his daughter thathave immediately assumed that my son was telling a
my son had given her a pinch.lie because another 4 year old said so? I certainly don't
The day of the alleged pinch I immediately apologizedwant to be one of those mothers in denial about her
to the man and his daughter for my 4 year old son'schild's bad behavior. I am supposed to promote and
behavior. I asked my son to apologize to the girl, but hereinforce good behavior.
said that he hadn't done it and wouldn't apologize. WeAs I buckled my son into his car seat after preschool, I
got into our cars with me saying a final apology.told my son about the man's apology. My son quickly
In the car I questioned my little boy about the incidentasked whether I told the man that he hadn't pinched
and then listened to his side of the events. I assuredher. I said that I hadn't. I told him exactly what I said to
him that I just wanted to know the truth and that hethat father.
wasn't going to get a time-out. Again and again heI was glad that he had spoken out on behalf of his
proclaimed his innocence: he did not pinch her.daughter. She was really lucky to have such a great
I knew that the way I handled this episode could havedaddy who cared and loved her enough to defend her.
a potential impact on my son. This was his firstI told him that the daddy was a great role model and
experience of "he said/she said" and of beingwas teaching his daughter how decent men behave.
reprimanded in front of me by a stranger. I wanted this"Oh, okay."
to be a positive teaching moment for him with someI hope that my son learned something from this
sort of take-away.experience. I hope that he learned about honesty, good
I told him that because he had never given me reasonbehavior, trust and decency. Maybe he learned about
not to believe him, I believed him. It was a case of hiskeeping his cool, maintaining composure and defusing
word against hers. His teachers hadn't reported thean uncomfortable situation. I hope he learned that I am
incident to me while I was picking up my kiddo, andhis advocate and that he can trust me.
they report everything. I told him that it was very